Well, Chris it has taken me some time to try and think what I should write here. Each day I would try and think of a special memory that I had of you, but each one I would recall, I thought wasn't good enough. I want to write something profound, but I am having a hard time trying to think of a memory special enough. BUt the more I think...all of my memories of you are special and important. I wish I could write down every little memory I have of you, but that would take up way too much space and it's not something that you don't already know. I miss you so much. It is hard going to clinical and class..even waking up and realizing that I am not going to hear your voice, or that I am not going to have to call you and make sure you are up. Like Charlotte, I still call your phone to hear your voice. Stupid huh? But it works for us. Who would of thought that I would be using that notebook you bought me to write to your memory? I sure wouldn't have. It was great seeing your uncle at the funeral. There was so much of you in his face and words; it was a realy comfort to look him in the eye. I finally went to our Starbucks and it was hard. The girl that I don't like of course was there (Loud Mouth) You know I couldn't look her in the eye. Wow, I am rambling. Let's get to the memory. I remeber when we went to the mall that day we didn't have class, and I remember you holding two shirts that I wanted to try on and I said to you "we have reached a whole new level of friendship you holding my clothes for me"( like Brett would--or any husband does for their wife while they shop) Oh and...remember how I dodged that hard patient..well I got one this week. One that you would truly appreciate...she cursed at me and all!! You would have appreciated the patient! Well...I love and miss you. Thanks for all the great memories! They are certainly ones that I will cherish for a lifetime. You are the type of person that no one could forget...and will never forget. Love you!
Christopher......I love you so much and miss you like crazy. I can't believe I will never see your face again. This is so hard. I went to the cemetery yesterday where you did it. I could feel you as soon as I came up to the cemetery. You were definately with me there. I put roses all over the glass that lay on the ground where your car was parked. It's like you were saying Charlotte don't cry, why are you here, and go home. I love you Chris and it was really hard to leave that cemetery knowing that was the last place you were. I wanted to stay forever just standing there over that glass and roses.
When I was sick that week for clinical and I had to make up the days, one of the days had to be made up at the Life after 50 Expo and I was made because I had to go by myself and you offered to go with me just to keep me company. That was so sweet. I showed up at Starbucks smelling like smoke and alcohol from the bar and I was still wearing the night befores make up and I had not slept not one bit. You told me I was still beautiful and I smelled fine. You kept me going the entire day. I love you for that. Great memory.
You and Rachel had went somewhere for lunch and you came back and parked in front of my truck because you couldn't find a parking spot and you were yelling because some jerk had front honked at you...crazy boy. I couldn't figure out for the life of me what the heck a front honk was...when you explained it it was hilarious. ONLY you could make up such a term. How dare that jackass front honk you.
Then that time before clinical you had locked your keys in your car and the car was still running. It was a mess trying to get the security people to unlock you car. They, of course, were no where to be found. Finally 5 minutes before we were supposed to meet our patients they came to unlock your door.
The last time we went to clinical you begged me to go just so you could be with me and hang out even though I changed my major so there really was no point in me being there. I forgot my stupid ID badge and we only had a few minutes to be there. You hurried with me to my truck but your pants were about to fall down because you had the big Ethos bottle of water in your pocket. So, I grabbed it out of your pocket since we were speed walking...I didnt want you to lose your britches. I called in that Friday bc I didn't feel good. Now, I would give anything to have gone...just to be with you. I love you so much.
We were in clinical in my favorite patiens room and her son looked at us(we were always partners no matter who we were assigned to) and said wait what are your names....oh look "Paine and Crane" it rhymes. That name just stuck. From that day forward it was always Paine and Crane.
Ha....those stupid ugly, dirty, new balances that you wore. Rachel and I fussed at you all the time because you knew you couldnt wear them to clinical. You said everyday..."i'm going to get them today"...we just laughed and said yea right. Then a few days before clinical you finally got new shoes.
Chris I miss you so much. I would give anything to talk to you or see your smile one more time. Even if it's for one second. I still call your phone just so I can hear you say your name on the voicemail message. I love you and I'm sorry that I didn't know you were hurting. I would give anything if you would have indicated to me or Rachel that something was wrong. I love you Chris. I will never forget you. You were and will always be my best friend. Kisses and all my love.
"Crane & Paine forever"
We were in all of first semester nursing classes together and in the same clinical group. You were always making me laugh.....you had one of those contagous laughs...one monday in pharmacology class, you told me you had a dream about stomas, of all things, and were making nasty jokes about stomas...i couldn't stop laughing and got in trouble in front the whole class for distracting and distrubing ms. carpenter's lecture...oops! but i'd get in trouble again any day with you.
and i'll never forget how u knocked on the patients door...you wouldn't actually knock...you would verbally announce "KNOCK, KNOCK!" -i always had to laugh at that! i'm gonna miss ur bright smile and your laughter, but will never forget it...that will live on in all of us that you have touched.
you would have been such an amazing nurse because you were so bright and had such a great capacity to care for other people. we were always waiting on you in post-clinical. once it was because you had to make sure you patient ate their lunch. you said she hadn't eaten anything all day and that finally she was trying to eat, we were all reporting back for post-clincal, but you stayed back an extra hour with her just to make sure that she finished eating. you just cared that much.
so rest in peace my friend and continue to watch over all of us as we know you are....until i see you again on the other side, i'll be missing you and thinking of your beautiful smile always.
I remember the first week of class. You'd drive me crazy bouncing your leg up & down where it'd rub against your booksack & make noise. I'd complain under my breath so aggrivated. But then I got to know you better. Rather than an annoying person in class, you became a familiar & loving face to me. Your smile was so beautiful. Your sense of humor was the best. Guess that's what got you & Lacey in trouble in Ms. Carpenter's class. I miss having you there to help me study for Pharm, or even less important, to discuss coffee type stuff & places. I really looked up to you, because although you'd laugh & joke around a lot, you knew your stuff, & you were eager to share it with anyone else who wanted to know too. You were so smart & gentle & friendly. I thought you'd graduate top of the class. How could we lose one onf our A-listers!? I miss you. Today, tomorrow, & always.
Love You,
Rachel
